25 things you should've learned by now...

[Angeleyes]

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

2. Don't worry about what people think, they don't do it that often.

3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car.

4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.

6. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.

7. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.

8. If you look like your passport photo, you probably need the trip.

9. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.

10. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.

11. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

12. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

13. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.

14. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

15. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.

16. It's not your jeans that make your butt look fat.

17. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved & never will achieve full potential, that word would be "meetings."

18. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness". (ummm... I think I Heart Paws applies here. )

19. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

20. You should not confuse your career with your life.

21. Never lick a steak knife.

22. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that deep down inside, we ALL believe we are above average drivers.

23. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter is not a nice person . (Very true!!)

24. Your friends love you anyway.

25. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.